One of the reason we scream is that we become frustrated because we feel we are not being heard. If we are trying to make an important point or give our opinion and we feel intentionally ignored or invalidated, we start to think “She doesn’t get it!” Or, “Why isn’t he listening to me?” Frustration builds and then “EXPLOSION.” Screaming starts because we want to get our point across so “if I say it louder then they will hear me! Or, he’ll do what I am telling him to do!”
Control is another reason that people scream. Screaming, yelling, and raising your voice are forms of aggressive communication, which is direct but hurtful and offensive to others. Aggressive communication includes yelling, blaming, physically hitting, name calling, and “YOU”statements such as “You never help me around the house.” When your spouse or child is on the receiving end of your aggressive communication, they feel attacked which puts them on the defensive. The person who uses aggressive communication feels out of control. Either they tried to communicate in a different way that didn’t work or they don’t know how to communicate differently.
Instead of screaming, try this:
- Whisper-It will get their attention.
- Take a time out– Remove yourself from the situation.
- Take a walk around the block
- Go outside and take 10 deep breathes
- Splash water on your face
- Say a prayer
Try something different. No one likes to scream or be angry all the time. If you find yourself unable to communicate in the way you want or your loved ones are asking you, “Why do you raise your voice all the time?” It’s time to seek professional counseling. Individual, couples, or family counseling can help you, your spouse or partner and your children communicate in a way that is open, direct, and honest so that you can get along better. Learning new communication skills takes practice. Here at Valencia Relationship Institute we help people communicate better. Call 661-259-8200 to schedule an appointment.